Minus Libido

I wake up today and it is a relatively nice morning. We’ve been having a fair share of sunlight lately. And an unseasonably warm winter is really something that us Singaporeans can’t complain about.

I instinctively roll over to reach for my trusty vibrator, except…

Except...err Houston, we may have a problem.

I hold the implement with increasing pressure against my clit, moving it down to the lips of my pussy and then back again. Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt the mechanical pulses resonate down my intimate tissue. I writhe urgently against the sheets, my mind flitting through its archives of favourite fantasies, longing, desiring, waiting… something…

Anything…

Hello? Is there life on Venus?

Evidently not! I blame God. I blame SARS. And I blame the antibiotics.

I finally orgasm after 15 minutes. (F-I-F-T-E-E-N minutes, people.) And then, only because I'm blue in the face and my clit has been beaten into resentful submission by my vibrator’s thriller speed Rotate-Whirl-Take-Out-The-Laundry combo.

Numbed nether regions aside, I discover that life really does suck with a drug-diminished sex drive for all the following reasons:

a. No urge to wank in the morning means I actually get to work on time.

b. No urge to wank mid-day means the office toilet seats have a fighting chance of staying dry.

c. No urge to wank in the evening means I can have sensible hobbies like vacuuming and stamp collecting.

Yes, no urge to wank makes Sash a very productive human being but a very sad girl.

So. That said, while azythromycin beats the crap out of my lingering throat infection and libido, I’ll be doing up some old stories from last year that I started but didn’t get to finish for one reason or another. So forgive me if the blog’s a bit chronologically impaired but everything will catch up at some point, I promise.

Until then, happy reading!

And Now, For Some Wank Fodder...

A new year, a new profile and a new perspective. At least now you get a facial.

I also wanted to customise a new look for the blog and got as far as turning everything a noxious shade of magenta before I realised the new Blogger template made all my Haloscan comments disappear. I reverted back to Missionary Minima in a huff.

Sorry to sound whiney but will somebody give this technologically-challenged girl a few clues?

Minister Mentor

Obviously, someone has too much time on his hands and not enough imagination to know what to do with it.

As a few of you may or may not have noticed recently, a dysfunctional individual has insisted on flooding my comment box with remarks that are vulgar and offensive. Never mind that I have a ban list as long as my arm or an inbox of complaints from friendly readers, but I broke a nail whilst pressing 'delete' to one of the comments in question and I'm annoyed now.

There's simply no excuse for bad manners or ruining my manicure. Unless there's a safe-word in place.

Ok so, we need to talk.

I'm not here to win a popularity contest, I blog as a form of personal expression and because I need something (else) to keep my fingers busy. I'll be the first to admit that what I write may not be to everyone's taste, and I'm happy to recieve both positive and negative responses as long as you articulate them thoughtfully.

But I'm bored of the same old same old. Put some creative consideration into calling me a slut already. Otherwise, go away. And take your poodle with you.

Frankly, I'm not so much perturbed by the content of these comments as much as the effect it has on the other people of Sashville. These pervy pacifists come from all over the world to the blog to play, wank, laugh, commiserate etc. in comforting anonymity. Having them gird up their lions and lob weapons of (m)ass destruction at my detractors is not horny. In fact, it lowers the tone of the entire site.

And secretly, I hate it when someone else gets more attention than I do. Heh.

So enough. Rather than close the comment box altogether, I've decided to use moderation for now, which just means that it will take a little longer for your comments to be registered in the box but they will get there eventually I promise. Please don't let this defeat you from saying what you want to say though. I enjoy reading what you think, especially if there's cum involved.

That said, I have deleted the offensive comments in question as well as those that have been mounted in defense of me - thanks :) but I like my way better - hope you understand.

Love XOXO,
Your Minister Mentor

Oops

I love you all – very very much. And I’m really REALLY hoping the feeling is mutual because guys, I’ll say it straight – I’m an idiot. And a bit of a fraud. No no no, the group sex and raging bisexual bits are all true. But the morbid pathos and death-becomes-her bits expressed in my last post ("Have You Ever") aren't.

Or at least, not anymore.

It’s turned out to be a complete misunderstanding. And after a weekend of stewing in my own muck, I decided to let the respective people involved know why I was behaving so oddly i.e. going to the gym, donating to charity, wearing comfortable shoes around the house, and suppressing the urge to howl every time Someone’s name was mentioned.

Piece by piece the entire picture emerged. That he said she said I said. And she said he said I said. And of course, nobody really said anything or meant anything the way they did. In fact it turned out that the original message (completely garbled and misinterpreted by alcohol and good intentions) was really quite sweet. Hopelessly, utterly and truly sweet, to be precise. And ironically enough, he was worried that I was pissed off at him for declaring it.

Which leaves me with a hastily glued back together heart, a relationship that has reverted to status quo and err, a rather embarrassing situation on this blog.

I would have taken down my last post completely and tried to sweep everything under the carpet – because my therapist says I’m good at that – but there were so many comments on it already, I thought you all deserved better by way of an apology and an explanation.

So guys and gals reading this, from the bottom of my heart, I am really sorry to have misled you all. I can tell you that it feels much worse than misleading myself, which I do quite regularly without the least bit of remorse. And I hate the idea that I've cried wolf and the blog continues to elicit sympathy on a now defunct premise. If you must shower compassion on anything, then may I suggest something more worthy. Like Iraq. Or ozone depletion. Or the fact that I’ve been so wretched I haven’t wanked once all weekend.

Jokes aside, I must thank you though, for all the comments I received in the past 2 days, even the ones that called me a self-indulgent little schmuck with a flair for minor theatrics (ok so you were right – just this once!). It's really a long story not worth retelling but trust me, the situation when it first presented itself was extraordinarily upsetting (or so I thought). And I was genuinely very very hurt over it.

But having you all out there – reading, responding and commiserating – really helped. It surprised me. I suppose that’s the power of blogging. And it still amazes me how this space has evolved from nothing more than a prurient piece of entertainment chronicling my sex life for a handful of close friends to a forum for expression that is really potent and vital to who I am and what I do.

So thanks for that. You guys are great, you really are. :)

Well now then, in the spirit of doing penance and being a better blogger, I’ve decided to open up the comment box on this post for you to ask me questions about the things that interest you. I’ll try my best to accommodate everyone – within reason – but I won’t answer any personal questions.

This being the blog that it is though, anything from orgies to rimming to why Singaporean schoolchildren excel in Math and Science is fair game.

P & T

Ok ok, I do dearly love the attention but please, stop with the vexed and concerned mothering emails already. :)

I am alive. This blog is alive. I haven't melted off into the sunset with Prince Charming (as if). I have not contracted bird flu. And I am certainly not so bored to tears that I have decided to 'end it all'.

I am just sorry I haven't written for a while. So spank me! Actually that's not accurate, I am still writing, I just haven't been posting. In fact, I have quite unexpectedly found dedicated, adoring new audiences for my writing that I am trying to accomodate at this moment. More on this later.

This doesn't mean that I am abandoning you, dear readers, especially not the ones of you who have stuck with me since the very beginning. You realised that you were onto a good thing before anyone else did - even me - and I am nothing but grateful.

But it is time for me to ask a favour of you and I feel a little shy just saying the words (or letters rather) but you know how I love to push the envelope. Ready? Well, here goes - P & T. Now, settle down folks! No, we haven't gone back to the days of high-school gyms and sweaty armpits. P & T for Private Time. Peace and Tranquility. Patience and Tolerance. Don't jump the gun, we're not breaking up. But I do need a bit of P & T on the emotional front and here's why.

I am having the time of my life right now. Personally, socially, sexually and for once, a little bit emotionally. This is unique, unusual and unexpected. And for someone with as unconventional a view of life as me, it is also extremely hard to come by. There is a lot going on that I am not ready to write about yet. Not because I am afraid of looking silly and absurd in front of you (now that is a long lost cause if ever I saw one!) but because I don't want to chase away the delicate grace-notes that are floating by and ground them into a structured orchestral opus as yet. As beautiful as that score may be, there is a time and place for everything.

And now is my time to capture the moment, to feel inspired, to think foolish thoughts and dream imprudent dreams. I am storing up nuggets in my life-bank, stashing away as much as I can for the rainy days I see ahead. And if I suffer, for now I prefer to do so in silence. I am sorry I can't be more than just annoyingly vague but I know that you will understand. And be happy for me. You know, I will reveal more with time.

So a moratorium on the personal affairs of Ms Sash for now. But where does that leave you? In your favourite ringside seat, of course! God forbid that I am so busy being mindfucked, I neglect the wonderful feelings of being bodyfucked. In that regard, I have been having way too much fun...

I have not turned monogamous on you - although quite a few of these episodes feature returning stars, one you will soon notice returns more frequently than the others - I have just been terribly backlogged. So no promises but here's a peek of some of the threads and ideas that I am in the process of spinning the next few posts on:

1. My Inner Porn Star - Call me Pam/Paris/Tammy but making a sex film with various guest directors was a strangely intimate and raunchy experience.

2. Back to Mine - Hosting the man of my dreams in my Hong Kong apartment

3. Ready, 1-2-Squirt - Learning how to time and control my hot ejaculate all over the bed, and all over my man. Please, someone say "consecutive cupfuls" to me in a husky voice and keep a bucket nearby!

4. My first FFM threesome - yes, I finally ate pussy!

5. Double Penetration - In its various permutations. Cock - fingers, cock - vibrator, cock - buttplug, and oh yes, we can't forget the ultimate cock-cock.

6. Much much more about me as the mood and inclination dictates. There will still be emotional posts of course, but please don't keep asking because I will tell when the time is right. It needs to be an organic process. But in the meantime, stay tuned. I will be writing...

Goodbye Ken, Hello 2006

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Speaking Out

Ok warning: so this is a bit of an unsalacious post, but it's important that I put it up anyway. And it also gives me a bit of a power kick - but that's beyond the point. :)

Anyway, most of you will have realised that there have been a few changes to the site, namely to the Comments section.

Yup, the penny's dropped and I've installed Haloscan.

Now before you run away screaming, I assure you its perfectly safe but if the hives still continue after a few days, let me know. It doesn't change the way you leave comments except that everything now appears in a pop-up window and you get to embellish your content with a range of contemporary smiley-faces. Surely that is a great value-add, no?

Haloscan does make a big difference in helping me manage this site better though. And I think as this blog increasingly attracts more traffic, it's something I need to do more diligently, just to ensure that you continue to enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy contributing to it.

The editorial policy (ooh, that sounds awfully self-important doesn't it?) regarding comments still remains the same i.e. love me, loathe me, say it well and you can say anything you want. I am not a fan of censorship - as we know too much of it exists in Singapore - and I am presumably confident and secure enough in my self-concocted fabulousness to take most forms of drubbings from critics. Although I like it when you are gentle as well. :)

But, and this is a big childbearing BUT...there is a fine line between having the right to freedom of speech and abusing it. I don't appreciate gratuitously vicious, abusive or profane remarks on my blog. And neither do my friends or the loyal readers who tune in to this blog regularly, many of whom have been disappointed to see the level of comments appearing on this site of late.

So this is the deal. I will not moderate or delete any comments if you promise to play fair. (I am not a control freak. I am not a control freak. I am not a control freak. Breathe, sash, breathe.) If you track the short history of this blog you'll see that I allow people to get away with pretty much bloody murder in the comments section. Because you know I love the attention and secretly (well not-so-secretly) find it all very amusing.

If you leave an email address or a URL, there is a reasonable chance that I will drop you a line or visit your site. I get enormous voyeuristic pleasure in getting to know the intimate details of my reader's lives through their blogs. And leaving a note anonymously is alright too, especially if you are high up in the corporate food chain and guiltily reading this every morning instead of spending time with your wife and children.

On that note, I also need to tell you that your old Blogspot comments have not all disappeared. They are saved and can be viewed on the individual pages of each post (just click the sidebar links). However, after installing the new software, I've had to manually cut-and-paste the old Blogspot comments into the Haloscan format, which I have done on the most recent posts but am still working on for older posts. Damn you uncompatible software platforms!

Now everyone who knows me will know that I am a reluctant techie. (Words are my thang, and HTML is not a word in my opinion.) And evidently, I use the most basic Blogger template and don't post any nude pictures of myself on this site (because a. you might recognise me and b. taking that into account, accordingly lose your lunch and c. I don't know how. Actually c. is the overriding reason. Heh.) so the rest of you can probably guess how bad I am with this thing they call technology.

There have obviously been a few extenuating circumstances that have led me to this. Chiefly, the appearance of ONE self-righteous individual who has left countless inflammatory and abusive remarks on my blog under various aliases. And also on the blogs of my friends and sites of other commenters who have linked here. I mean, that's just uncalled for. And I thank you all for putting up with it uncomplainingly, especially those who have vigorously jumped to my defence. You'll make an blushing virgin of me yet! :)

So enough of this tedious administrative business and back to some serious blogging. I promise you all a better story next time.

P.S. As for Mr IP Address 165.21.154.* (a.k.a. pope benny, frenchy, whiskas, anonymous 3:15 P.M. whatever) your ass is toast. You have been warned and banned from this site. Take your hate and anger elsewhere, fuck you very much.