Monday, May 09, 2005

Faking It

To follow up on my last post, yes, I admit I fake magnificent orgasms. Throaty moans, straining neck, eyes squeezed shut and back arches that could help me qualify for a job in the circus. (Brownie points if your pussy clamps down with a vice-like grip and conducts 3 minutes of continuous post-coital contractions) I don’t understand the half-hearted attempt to appease your partner i.e. if he asks “have you come?” and you reply “oh yes, that was wonderful” when you’ve been gritting your teeth, lying absolutely stone-still for the past 30 minutes.

I figure if you’re going to fake it, might as well do it well enough to sway a jury. Better to have a “magnificent” orgasm and then fall asleep with no injured looks or recriminations in the morning. A girl has to be practical about these things. There’s usually a pretty good reason if I have to fake it. I come relatively easily and I’m not shy about helping myself to an orgasm or three. So if you can’t make me come, there’s obviously a real problem. I know I’m doing the world a great disservice by faking it but most times the alternative is doing all that sexual hand-holding which frankly I have no patience for. (ref: Archie episode) If I give any lessons at all, they should be as exhilarating to the teacher as they are to the student.